Prophet Ibrahim – Kind Words vs Harsh Words

The prophets and messengers of Allah are the best people who lived on this earth. Therefore, it would only be natural for us to assume that they came from the most perfect families. However, we might be quite surprised to hear that not many of the prophets came from families who were entirely Muslim. Some prophets had non-Muslim parents, some had children who weren’t Muslim. Allah tested Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) through one of his family members as well. 

 

Prophet Ibrahim came from a community of idol worshippers and idolatry was so common that people would worship, sacrifice, and even create their own idols. Prophet Ibrahim would call his people away from this to the worship of Allah alone. Allah tells us about this is the Quran:
وَإِبۡرَٰهِيمَ إِذۡ قَالَ لِقَوۡمِهِ ٱعۡبُدُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَٱتَّقُوهُۖ ذَٰلِكُمۡ خَيۡرٞ لَّكُمۡ إِن كُنتُمۡ تَعۡلَمُونَ 
“And (remember) Ibrahim when he said to his people: ‘Worship Allah (Alone), and fear Him: that is better for you if you did but know” (29:16) 

 Not only did the father of Ibrahim worship these idols, but he would also create idols and sell them for others to worship. For us to hear that the father of our beloved Prophet Ibrahim behaved in such a way is truly shocking and we can only imagine how Ibrahim might have felt. Allah tells us of a conversation between Ibrahim and his father in the Quran:
 إِذۡ قَالَ لِأَبِيهِ يَٰٓأَبَتِ لِمَ تَعۡبُدُ مَا لَا يَسۡمَعُ وَلَا يُبۡصِرُ وَلَا يُغۡنِي عَنكَ شَيۡ‍ٔٗا 

 “[Mention] when he (Ibrahim) said to his father, "O my father, why do you worship that which does not hear and does not see and will not benefit you at all?” (19:42) 

 There is so much we can learn from the conversations Prophet Ibrahim had with this father, but today we will analyse Prophet Ibrahim’s use of language with his father. We will look at the manner Ibrahim spoke to disbelieving father and hopefully we can implement it with our parents and our elders.  

So just to reiterate, Prophet Ibrahim said, “O my father! Why do you worship that which hears not, sees not and cannot avail you in anything? So, Prophet Ibrahim started his conversation with kind beautiful words. He said, Oh my father, يَٰٓأَبَتِ He did not rudely say "Oi, listen up". Or "listen to me yeh". Or he did not start by saying "you don’t know anything". Nor did he use negative gestures and kiss his teeth. But he used the kindest of words, "Oh my beloved father".  

The conversation carries on in the next verse,
 يَٰٓأَبَتِ إِنِّي قَدۡ جَآءَنِي مِنَ ٱلۡعِلۡمِ مَا لَمۡ يَأۡتِكَ فَٱتَّبِعۡنِيٓ أَهۡدِكَ صِرَٰطٗا سَوِيّٗا 
“O dear father! I have certainly received some knowledge which you have not received, so follow me and I will guide you to the Straight Path.” (19:43) 

So, Ibrahim carried on with his kind words, he did not stop using his kind words, even though his father did not believe in Allah.  

Now let us ask ourselves, how do we speak to our parents? Ibrahim spoke to his non-Muslim father with honour and respect and many of our Muslim parents are not even given a fraction of that dignity! We may say, "But my parents don’t understand" or "They are old school” or even "They don’t know the hardship I am going through". You may feel your parents are strict towards you, and this may anger you. Firstly, we need to realise that our parents have a lot of wisdom and experience so our negativity towards them might be unfair. However, even if your negative feelings towards them are 100% true, it still does not allow us to use bad language or be rude towards our parents.  

We must always try to interact with our parents in a kind and respectful way just like our Prophet Ibrahim. It is always better for us to speak with gentleness and wisdom even when our parents may be in the wrong! We do have the right to discuss and reason with our parents and elders, but only with adab, respect and kindness first.  

So we have established how, just like with prophet Ibrahim, our interactions with our parents need to be founded on adab, good manners, kindness and respect. Let us continue to learn from this famous discussion between Prophet Ibrahim and his father:  

˹Remember˺ when he said to his father, “O dear father! Why do you worship what can neither hear nor see, nor benefit you at all? 
O dear father! I have certainly received some knowledge which you have not received, so follow me and I will guide you to the Straight Path.” [19:42-43] 

The father of Ibrahim did not take kindly to this advice from his son. His father became so enraged that he threatened to kill him. Prophet Ibrahim responded to this gracefully by saying:
 قَالَ سَلَٰمٌ عَلَيۡكَۖ سَأَسۡتَغۡفِرُ لَكَ رَبِّيٓۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ بِي حَفِيّٗا 
“Peace be on you! I will ask forgiveness of my Lord for you. Verily, He is unto me Ever Most Gracious.” (19:47) 

Imagine this subhanAllah! The father of Ibrahim had just threatened to kill him and Prophet Ibrahim responded softly and calmly with: “Peace be on you." How gentle of a response was this! Did Prophet Ibrahim respond to hatred with hatred? No! On the contrary we see in Ibrahim a role model of love and beautiful akhlaaq (behaviour).  

We should always use kind words with our parents and seniors. One day we will all become old and we would want the young people to respect us. In 30-40 years time, everyone in this room will have grey hair and we would not like for the younger people to speak to us in a rude manner. Similarly, we should treat our parents and the older generations with the utmost respect and kindness. Prophetic manners and having good characteristics will allow all of us to benefit and succeed in the long term.  

Let us leave today having learnt from our prophet Ibrahim and his interactions with his father. Let us be respectful towards our parents like Prophet Ibrahim (as). Let us have good adab and kindness towards our parents like Prophet Ibrahim (as). Let us us use wisdom and humility when dealing with our parents and elders like Prophet Ibrahim (as).   

No one is perfect, but we must always try to do better each day. In 100 years, after we die and our worldly possessions perish: all that will remain is our good deeds! We would want people to remember us for our good manners, good characteristics and good conduct, just how we are today remembering and learning from the beautiful character of our Prophet Ibrahim.  

May Allah bless all of us and give us the tawfeeq to emulate Prophet Ibrahim and all the other great prophets and messengers. May Allah allow our kindness and compassion towards our parents to be a means for us to attain His good grace and Jannatul Firdaws. Ameen.